Personally, I have only shallow thoughts on the American health care debate. Any attempt on my part to articulate a response to the notion that Paris Hilton could possibly deserve better health care than a factory farm-raised chicken, never mind an actual human being, immediately devolves into a scream of impotent fury. So here’s what some other people are saying about the current situation:
“When I was a kid growing up, we never talked about health care. Why did America become obsessed with health care the past twenty years or so? And you know what else we didn’t talk about when I was a kid? Black people. Good times, good times…” – Peggy Noonan
“OK, they’re distracted, quick, give me my bonus.” – Anonymous Goldman-Sachs executive
“My husband Ted and I are diabetic, unemployed, and have no health insurance, and we don’t want the government forcing us to get health care, no way. Just the other day I was saying to Ted, I said, ‘You know what we’ve got too many of? Feet.’” – Gun and fried Mars bar enthusiast Luanne Woodard
“So who do I have to free to get some media coverage around here?” – Kim Jong-il
“Hey, who’s the bartender and who’s the white house Chief of Staff here? That’s right, so do your goddamn job and give me another shot, liquorchimp! …So like I was saying, we’re totally gonna kill all the old people. I mean, it’s not like they’re our base, so fuck ‘em. This is off the record, right?” – Rahm “Spaceknight” Emmanuel
“Let me get this straight: they show up at public events, try to derail real discussion of the issues by being loud, belligerent assholes, and get on the news? Unbelievable. They stole my bit.” – Westboro Baptist Church minister and flamboyant gay activist Fred Phelps
“Jesus Christ, Mom. I’m like a year old and have downs syndrome and even I know that’s bullshit.” – Trig Palin
“Iz in ur Oh-Arr, yoothanizin ur gramma.” – Universal Health Kitteh
“They’re actually having a debate about this? What the fuck is wrong with them?“ – Pretty much every non-US citizen in the entire world